But at 2:45 a.m. on May 16th, at 38 weeks pregnant, my water broke in a dramatic I-thought-that-only-happened-in-the-movies fashion and it was official - one way or the other, I was having a baby! And then I remembered: my doctor was on vacation.
Brian immediately leapt into action, eating a granola bar with one hand, leaving the boys a note with the other, telling me to hurry up. I was decidedly slower. I tried to eat something but was too nervous to do so. I dithered back and forth on what to wear. Eventually, we were on our way!
The car ride seemed a bit surreal. I was sitting on a towel because I was leaking water everywhere. It was 3:30 a.m. and the roads were empty. I felt the baby squirming around and saw my tummy jump and twitch.
We got to the hospital shortly after every pregnant woman in the area showed up. Which meant all their rooms were full. And all their triage beds. So, I was in a makeshift triage room-slash-closet. For. Five. Hours.
The nurse assigned to me asked me why I was there.
Me: Um...I'm in...labor? Brian nods encouragingly.
Nurse: What makes you think you are in labor?
Me: My water broke.
Nurse: Are you sure?
Me: *literally a pool of water at my feet* Yup.
Despite the Amniotic Fluid River flowing down the hallway, they needed to test me to ensure my water did indeed break. Also despite the Amniotic Fluid River, and the fact that I knew, knew, KNEW my water broke, I nervously awaited the results like maybe this isn't my water breaking and I will actually be peeing myself like this for the next two weeks of pregnancy. Thankfully, the test came back positive.
After that test, we were left alone in our cozy
Except medical professionals kept dashing in and out. No, not to check on me; good Lord no - they were too busy for that! But to grab blankets and hospital gowns and blood pressure armband thingies, etc.
After a while they started asking "You're still in here?" which then morphed into a worried "Does anyone know you are here?"
Eventually they moved me to a real room, and told me they wanted to start me on Pitocin. I wasn't progressing at all, and since my water broke at home, I had 24-hours to deliver the baby due to fear of infection. Pitocin began, and I sat on a birthing ball. After an hour or so, my hips really started hurting so we walked around. After every loop we made, the nurse would increase my Pitocin "just a smidge" - well, those smidges added up and within a couple hours, I was in agony. Nothing helped, and every so often we would notice Lily's heart rate would slow down. Like, a lot.
The nurses explained this was somewhat normal with the intensity of the contractions. Eventually my contractions were so bad, and were so close together, that Lily's heart stopped completely. I'll never forget the feeling of complete panic when about 7 medical professionals came running into the room when that monitor fell silent. They got her heart going again by having me move to different positions and giving me a shot to stop the Pitocin from working. At that point I was 9.5 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced.
Aaaaand my labor stalled out.
So, back to the Pitocin again!
Around that time, I was told my doctor's backup (his partner at his practice) was also not going to be able to deliver the baby. He was delivering another baby, at another hospital. In walks an ancient Indian woman who simply poked around for a moment, proclaimed "I do not like. Caesarean." Um, OK?
The nurses shooed her away, saying they knew I could deliver the baby naturally. Once she was gone, the nurse who will be forever known by me as "My Favorite Nurse" confided "I just wish we could deliver your baby ourselves." My mom whispered to me "That doctor scares me." Brian said "Wow, she's horrible." I think I just whimpered. My Favorite Nurse told me she was meant to get off work at 4:00, but she was sticking around until the baby was born because she was just so excited for us.
Eventually it was time to push. After about 15 minutes, I started to really get the hang of it. The nurses kept telling me how awesome I was doing, and that the baby should be here in "1 hour...2, tops." I looked at the time and it was exactly 5:00 p.m. That means by 7 p.m. I'll have met my daughter! I was so excited!
Brian was on my left hand side, and was amazing. He kept music playing for me, and would feed me ice chips and put a wet washcloth on my forehead. He was so encouraging and loving and kept me focused. My mom was on my right side. I didn't expect her to be there. I assumed I wouldn't want anyone in the room but Brian, and also assumed she wouldn't want to be in the room anyway. When I had Lasik eye surgery about 15 years ago, she was crying in the waiting room over it. When I had blood drawn during my pregnancy, I returned to the waiting room to see her with her eyes closed, praying for me. She does not handle doctors, hospitals, or me being in pain very well. Yet she never left my side. She would rub my back and play with my hair, just like she did when I was young. It was so soothing and I am so grateful she was in the room.
The labor was rough. Horrifyingly rough. I vomited because of the pain, Lily ended up getting herself in a weird horizontal position and was stuck. They tried to re-position her but it didn't work. They screwed some kind of monitor into Lily's skull while she was still inside me. I was pushing in a ton of different positions, and one of the positions gave me a horrible Charley horse. (Seriously, anyone who can give birth while standing up is either a freak or a superhuman.)
Every so often, the medical staff would walk a few steps away from me and whisper to each other. I could see shrugged shoulders and worried eyes and I finally said, "It freaks me out when you guys whisper to each other - just tell me what's going on." Of course nobody listened to me. :)
Finally, Scary Doctor suggested she use forceps to get Lily out. I opened my mouth to say ok, when my favorite nurse caught my eye and mouthed the word "no". So without thinking, I simply said "no". Scary Doctor tried to talk me into it. I just kept saying no.
I finally agreed for them to use a vacuum, which another doctor had to use as Scary Doctor was not as skilled with it. We used the vacuum considerably longer than we were meant to. Every time they kept saying, "This is it! This is it!" I'm an optimist, but after a while even I quit believing them.
Finally, I just said I couldn't do it anymore, I was done...I was so exhausted and nothing was happening. The doctor said, "One more push...you're going to deliver your daughter this time." I said "I've been hearing that for hours now." Everyone started yelling push, push! So I did.
After 19 hours of labor, with over 5 hours of pushing, a 4th-degree tear and a broken tailbone, Lillian Mae finally made her appearance. Her cry! Oh, her cry was so beautiful. They laid her on my chest and Brian cut the cord.
The very first thing the nurses did was put a hat on her & told us to keep it on her. Brian told me later that he thinks they were so quick with the hat, and wanted us to leave it on, because she was a cone-head because they used the vacuum on her for so long.
My only "labor plan" was to hold Lily skin-to-skin upon birth. But immediately after Brian cut the cord, Scary Doctor picked Lily up and started walking off with her. A nurse had to forcefully take Lily out of her arms and bring her back to me so I could continue to hold her.
Once she was in my arms, I started whispering to her. "Oh, it was you. It was you who was in my belly this whole time. I'm so happy to meet you." I just wanted to stare and study every feature of her and memorize the details. She was and is so beautiful.
Lily quit crying within just a couple minutes. She remained very alert and was busy taking everything in.
They let me hold Lily for a long time while still in the delivery room - over an hour. During that time Brian went out to the waiting room to tell my dad, brother, sister-in-law, and oldest stepson Ian that Lily arrived.
My dad and Ian come in the room. One of my favorite memories is, Ian came straight over to me and asked me if I was alright. He told me he had the worst headache - he had been in the waiting room since 3:30 pm, too worried to eat. That meant so much to me; he came right after school and waited 7 hours to meet his baby sister! After he made sure I was OK, he held Lily and we all watched as they weighed and measured her.
Eventually, it was time to move us out of labor & delivery. Mom, Dad, and Ian left. By that time, it was almost midnight. All that was left were me, my amazing husband, and our beautiful newborn daughter. We ordered hamburgers from the room service menu, and as we waited for our first real food in over 30 hours, we talked about every single blessed minute of the labor as though it hadn't just happened mere moments ago; we joked about the nurses who kept complimenting me on how white my socks were, and the intern who sat in on the birth and who may never become a doctor now that he witnessed this delivery. And eventually, after we were done eating, our eyes started to drift shut. Brian fell asleep on the cot and I fought sleep for as long as I could because I really, truly couldn't take my eyes off of this baby.
Noteables:
Date: Friday 5/16/14
Time: 10:12 p.m.
Length: 18.5 inches
Weight: 5 pounds, 13 ounces
Birthmarks: Her right arm from wrist to elbow has the cutest light-colored birthmark. Makes her arm look tie-dyed. :)
