The Feels

I've always been an extremely laid back, optimistic, positive, go with the flow, no-biggie, whatev kind of person.  I remember one day a friend was driving down a one-way street the wrong way.  Cars are headed towards us.  I casually said, "You're going the wrong way." as she proceeded to panic. Ha!

I've always liked that about myself.  Even through a divorce, a job layoff, family illnesses, I remain positive and laidback without even trying.  

Then I had Lily.  And all of that is still there (Thank God!) with one exception: I feel more deeply than I used to. I worry more than I ever have.  I think about the future, and consequences, and pros/cons. And while, as a whole, I love it - it's nice to feel like an adult on occasion, at the tender age of 37 - it's also exhausting.  

I saw a children's book at the library called "If I could keep you little".  The title alone made my eyes sting with tears.  Of course I open it up.  And I read: 

If I could keep you little,I'd tell you stories every night.But then I'd miss you readingThe words you've learned by sight.
.....

If I could keep you little, I'd keep you close to me.   But then I'd miss you growing into who you're meant to be.

And I started ugly crying.  And then I CHECKED OUT THE BOOK because what better way to continue torturing my poor, mushy heart then by reading this book to Lily for the next two weeks?