When Angels Are Near...

"When angels are near, feathers appear"

I have heard that saying many times before and anytime I see a feather, even in an obvious a-feather-makes-sense-right-about-now place (like by a pond with ducks nearby) I still think of that saying and smile at the thought of an angel nearby.

On Saturday morning, we heard Lily waking up in her room and Brian went to go get her.  We have a weekend ritual where we get Lily from her crib and bring her into bed with us where we snuggle, she plays with the television remote, climbs all over us, and we lazily enjoy her until hunger eventually forces us to get out of bed.

On this Saturday, I noticed right away she had a white feather in her hair.  There is no logical explanation why that feather would be there.  We don't own feather pillows or comforters.  She had a bath before bedtime.  She sleeps with a hot-pink monkey.  None of her stuffed animals have feathers on them, and her crib sheet was clean. 

Of course my mind immediately went to that saying.  I'm choosing to believe an angel visited Lily last night.  And I thank them for keeping her safe while we all slept peacefully. 

Peaceful

I'll admit it --- I typically love getting up in the middle of the night with Lily.  Although BHop has always been willing to do his fair share, I've probably only taken him up on the offer a handful of times.  For one thing, Lily is a perpetually happy baby so it's quick and easy to put her back down to sleep.

Plus, living in a house packed to the brim with two adults, three teenage boys, a baby, and a Chihuahua, peacefulness is not always easy to find inside our home.  Although it took me awhile to adjust from my quiet single-girl living, I have grown to love having a home full of energy and noises.  But in the middle of the night, when Lily wakes for a bottle or a diaper or simply just a snuggle, the quiet peace is just beautiful. There's no microwave beeping, or doors being flung open, or bickering or laughing or video games playing or televisions blaring. 

For a while now, Lily has slept straight through the night from 7:30 p.m. to 7:30 a.m. - but last night she woke up at 2:00 a.m.  I shuffled to the kitchen to fix her a bottle, went into her room, changed her diaper, and we settled into our chair in the corner.  She drank a full bottle.  Typically at that point, she would start wiggling and squirming, I'd put her in her crib, and she'd conk out. 

But on this night, she curled up in my arms, and just stared into my eyes.  She smiled and whispered "mamama" and made little kissy noises with her lips.  She rested the full weight of her head against my chest and didn't move an inch.  So, there we stayed.  Curled up in the chair, making each other smile, me watching her eyes crinkle in the corners and her studying my lips as I made a new sound she was trying to figure out.  We sat there for close to a half hour, until both our eyes started to grow heavier and I reluctantly put her in the crib.

As I climbed back into bed, BHop sleepily said "You shoulda woke me up, I would have gotten up with her."

"Nah, that's OK."

A Better Place

When I first announced my pregnancy in 2013, I was surprised at the encouragement, excitement, and overall joy we received for our news.  Of course I expected those close to us to be happy, but I am referring to fringe people....people I graduated high school with, who I hadn't spoken to in more than a decade, were sending me thoughtful messages, relatives living across the country sent me cards, it was really nice!

Around 6 months, I finally started showing.  People at the gym would come up and ask how the pregnancy was going, congratulate me on working out so consistently, want to know more details about the baby.  I would also have strangers at the store or at a restaurant come up and do the same thing. 

Late in the pregnancy, I looked like the typical stereotypical pregnant girl.  Big round tight tummy, and that's about it.  When people saw me, their faces would instantly light up in a grin, and so many people would say how cute I looked (is it weird I got more compliments while pregnant than I do not-pregnant??).  Men would offer to carry my groceries, when I was flying, someone gave up their 1st class seat to me and took mine in coach so "the baby would have more room".  I didn't need any of these niceties, but I graciously accepted them, because it made the other person feel good to do something nice for someone else

I was surprised how many people would rub my belly or try to feel the baby kick without asking permission first.  Doesn't everyone know pregnant women haaaaaate that?! 

But I didn't.

I firmly believe everyone's purpose on Earth is very simple:  make the world a better place by being a part of it.  That doesn't necessarily mean something grand.  It also doesn't mean you won't make the world a worse place, at times.  But as you live your life, the scale should tip towards good and not bad.  You should make more people laugh than you do cry; more people smile than frown. 

So any time Lily made someone smile, without even being born yet, she made me so proud.  This little baby made people's days better and brighter, without even trying!  How many people can say that?  Any time a stranger put their hand on my belly, I smiled and helped them try to feel the baby kick.  I have never seen more genuine, beaming smiles from perfect strangers than I have when that has happened.  How can someone hate that?  :)

Now that Lily is here, she continues to do the same thing.  Strangers exclaim over her, little children act like they've seen a celebrity when Lily smiles at them, when she waves bye-bye to a cashier, the whole store seems to collectively go "...awwwwww!"  I love that she is making the world a better place just by being a part of it. 

Cuteness Level 10

Lately Lily's cuteness meter has gone into overdrive.  I want to list out some of the adorableness before the memories fade as they get replaced with new ones.

• When something rolls under a couch or a table, she will immediately drop down to the floor and tilt her tiny head to the side to look under the surface.
• When she sees something she likes (which is a lot of things ... dogs, kids, photos, books, toys, etc.) she will give a little "heh" laugh.  Sometimes while I am driving, and she is in her car seat just chilling, you'll hear a "heh".  Just makes me smile every time.
• She will give you a side eye with a smile and then take off in a dead-sprint crawl.  She wants to be chased! 
• She waves bye-bye and hi all the time now.  Sometimes she forgets she has her arm up in the air and leaves it up there for a long time.
• When she eats something good, she ends every mouthful with a "mmmmmm!!!!"
• She has started dancing anytime she hears something musical.

Every few weeks, I think to myself "I wish I could freeze time" because Lily's little personality is just so neat, and her new skills are so cute, and she's still so tiny, but not so tiny that I worry she'll break.  But I know a few more weeks will go by and then I'll be thinking the same thing all over again.   So for now I will just enjoy the day, the moment, the little human she is right at this second.

SPRING!!

I am so happy for warmer weather, you have no idea. 

This winter, I've had a little bit of a phobia going places with Lily on my own.  There was just something about putting warm clothes, a coat, a hat, having a blanket lovingly draped over the car seat as I carried her to and from the car, trying to shield her from the weather....Then I read that you shouldn't have a coat on the baby while in a car seat, which just confused and complicated the issue even more!  Anyway, it just overwhelmed me.  For sure, over 95% of the time I don't even put a coat on myself, despite how frigid it may be.  Having to do all these steps on a tiny baby?  Just not my scene. 

But today!  Today was 50!  So while BHop went to the gym after work, Lily and I drove to the bank, then went to the grocery store (where I bought her her first baby doll, which she lovingly played with throughout the store, but during the 1.4 seconds it took for the cashier to scan the barcode and hand it back to Lily, she apparently lost all interest in it.  Hmpf.)

After that, we went for a long walk and took in all the sights and sounds around the neighborhood.  It was bliss!

Making a Break for It

Everyone told me this would happen...Lily would become obsessed with the dog food and water bowls.  And everyone was right.

Once Lily remembers the bowls are there, she becomes singularly obsessed with them.  I could magically transform the house into Disney World and she would still crane her neck to see if the bowls were still on the floor.  I know it.

So the greatest thing in the world is, she will start crawling over to the dog bowls.  It's all casual, innocent, like, don't mind me I'm just going for a cruise kinda-thing.  The closer she gets, the more frantic she begins to crawl.  Her hands slap down on the hard wood really loudly.  Then, in the final feet, she begins breathing loudly, like she is finishing a marathon!  Every now and then she'll let out a squeal of delight. 

Its super adorable.  And useful, because until I hear the hand-slapping, I know she's behaving herself.  Once I hear the "huh-huh-huh" of her breathing, I know I have to drop what I am doing and scoop her up.  

Except sometimes I'm not fast enough.

Becoming one of Them

I could never understand why parents could and would suddenly lose their own identity upon having a child.  I would see their Facebook posts: baby pictures, toddler quotes, child achievements, lather, rinses, repeat...and while I would enjoy seeing those things, a part of me would be thinking, "yes, but what did YOU do today?  What's new with YOU?  It's YOUR Facebook page, not your child's." 

I remember going to a bonfire once, and literally every person there was a parent, besides me.  All conversations revolved around their children.  I had nothing to add, and again, would think, where is the person inside this parent?  Do they have interests and lives beyond their children?

And now I have Lily.  And I look at my own Facebook page, scattered with baby pictures and videos and cutesy things she did, and open up my photo stream on my iPhone and see nothing but Lily and I think, "Oh Lord, I have become one of Them."

And I get it now.  I really do.  This little human is the clearest example of a miracle I have ever seen.  Would I rather share the story of the plumber who came to our house smelling like an ashtray and leaving muddy bootprints all over my floors?  Or would I rather talk about how my special little snowflake decided she liked another family better than us at a recent basketball game, and spent a half hour sitting with them, charming them, and playing with the mom's scarf without so much as glancing over at us?  (It was adorable, BTW.)  The answer is clear.

So I started this blog.  This gives me an outlet to talk about my daughter all I want without boring people.  If you are reading this you apparently want to be bored.  Why didn't I think of this 9 months ago??